Since graduating from college, I have been struggling a lot. My 3+ years at my university were some of the greatest, most challenging years of my life so far, especially in regard to my faith in Christ. I began there as a fairly new believer who had little to no knowledge of the Bible, let alone the many amazing characteristics of God. I had absolutely no idea that God would lead me to such things as sharing my story, serving in leadership, preaching in front of my peers, or working in vocational ministry. Yet He did. I grew closer and deeper to Him than I thought I could... and then I graduated. That sounds so melodramatic, I know. Since then, though, the Lord has led me away from things that I thought were supposed to happen, and although I'm grateful that His plans are not mine, I have been and still am frustrated.
Feelings of purposelessness and serious disconnect have plagued me lately. I'll be candid and admit that I expected and hoped for some big, great things upon graduating. I've pursued some opportunities with all of my heart, only for them to fall through. Some of my friendships that I considered really important have fallen away as well. On top of that, some of my personal and family stuff is a mess, too (which isn't necessarily a diversion from the norm, but still).
And then I remember the questions that the Spirit spoke to me just the other day. Am I really willing to sacrifice everything? Am I willing to let go of family, friends, and expectations? Am I ready to let go of all that I have hoped for in order that God's plans become clear? Am I willing to be lonely for God's best glorification?
In church a few weeks ago, my pastor proposed the question,
"Are you okay playing a role that God deems important but you don't?"
So goes my struggle. I'm seeking to really, truly commit to humbling myself at the feet of God. It's so easy to want to do that, to say that I am going to do that, and to even pray for it. But I'm learning that my heart needs to be in a position of true humility first.
What all of that rambling comes to is this very difficult and humbling question: will you consider praying for me? I realize that my struggle is not life- or faith-threatening, but that doesn't change the fact is a very real struggle for me... and I could honestly use some more godly friends on my side in this one. I appreciate y'all more than you know. Your comments and words of encouragement keep this blogger blogging.