That's how I feel. Absolutely 100% crazy. So I am not taken aback when others think it as well. Now I should clarify: I am not moving for a job out there, or because I have family out there, or because life here in California is bad. Really, the opposite is true! I currently have two amazing jobs, my family is mainly located in the San Francisco Bay Area (plus some here in the greater Sacramento area), and life here is good. Here, I have many treasured friendships, I am blessed by the greatest table of Bible study women, and I get to work with some of the most God-loving people around. Yet sometimes, God asks us to do crazy things that involve a hard choice, requiring complete obedience and trust in Him. And here I am.
Since officially announcing my move on Instagram and Facebook over the last week, I have received dozens of messages from people wanting to get together before I leave. Don't get me wrong at all, I am SO stoked to spend time with these people and to share what God is doing in my life. But I also dread the one question that always comes up, usually making an appearance toward the beginning of the conversation: "So, what are you going to be doing in Nashville?"
I dread this question because my answer is simply this: I have no idea. I really don't. Like I said before, I don't have a job lined up as of now. I also have no idea where myself and my friend Allie will be living yet. I am in a position of complete dependence on God, while still seeking to be a responsible steward (something I am confident should be our stance in everything in this life). I am job searching, applying, and interviewing. I am apartment hunting, contacting realtors and complex managers, and working out those details as much as I can whilst 2,300 miles away. Yikes.
So I dread that question because every time it is asked, I respond with something like this: "Well, I don't really know yet. What I do know is that the Lord has asked me to trust and follow Him, so I am just trying to do my best to obey." Some people respond well... but most look at me like I'm nuts. Truthfully, I don't blame them too much. I mean, it does kind of look that way. Yet I have this unshakable faith in the fact that God is in this, going before me and lighting up each step of the way.
On Sunday morning, I had a mini-revelation straight from God in a way that I can hardly explain. All that came to me was this:
Gennean, a life of following Me does not seek the
approval of man. You live only for My approval.
Thank You, Jesus, for that one. I was dealing with so much fear of sharing what I'm doing with more and more people as the weeks go on that I didn't even want to approach it. And then I remembered that this isn't really even about me. This is about God moving His people, when He wants and where He wants, and our need to obey. I was also hit over the head with the truth that, as much as the the world wants to tell us differently, following Jesus isn't supposed to be easy. Or comfortable. Or safe. Following Jesus, and I mean really following Jesus, is supposed to be crazy.
And to that I say, so what if I'm crazy? If I am obeying what I believe God has asked of me, even though it means walking into a ton of unknown, I can walk forward confidently. I am so grateful for those around me who just get it. They get that following Jesus is uncomfortable and different and, well, radical!
Just a few encouraging texts from friends :)
This journey is by no means an easy one, and yet I believe that's the purpose. I am learning to truly surrender all to God, to trust Him when I can't imagine how things are going to work out, and to praise Him when He provides. Our God is a good God, yes, but He is not safe. So I will continue to press into my Jesus on this adventure, as crazy as it looks to the world, because I am following the One who simply says, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." [Matthew 16:24]
"Susan asked Mr. Beaver about Aslan saying, 'Is he - quite safe?'
Mr. Beaver replied, 'Safe? Who said anything about safe?
'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He is the King, I tell you.'"
-C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe