Earlier this month I spent almost two (glorious) weeks back in my home state of California for a few different events, including a wedding, VBS at the church I used to work at, and to see friends and family. On one of my final days while I was staying in my hometown in the Bay Area, I decided to take my rental car, plus some sweet Spotify playlists, and drive the Pacific Coast Highway down to Big Sur. My view as I drove alongside sandy beaches, curving cliffs, and towering redwoods was both spectacular and refreshing, and that day away to reflect and process and pray was exactly what my little soul needed.
See, I had just come off of the high of attending my fourth wedding of the year thus far (two more to go!), and found myself really struggling with contentment in this season of my life... I mean, where the single ladies/fellas at? Because I feel like most of y'all can relate with this struggle that is all too real. It was actually a pretty weird thing for me, though, because 80% of the time I'm completely cool with where God currently has me: as a young woman in my mid-twenties, working my butt off at a great job (plus extra gigs to help pay off student loans), going on fun adventures with my girlfriends, mentoring teenage girls, teaching kiddos at church, and *gasp* being single. Yes, I am saying that far more often than not, I actually enjoy this season, which for some odd reason seems to take a lot of people off guard.
"You mean, you're not looking for a spouse?
You don't want to date?
You want to be single forever, probably with lots of cats?"
Well, yes, not necessarily, and no.
- Yes, I am not looking for a spouse, because I wholeheartedly believe that God will bring that person into my life when He wants to, so I don't feel the need to be actively looking. Does that mean I avert my eyes to men? Of course not. On the flip side, does that mean I flirt or seek out close friendships with men in order to get attention or feel some sort of validation? Heck no. I don't need a man's attention to feel special or loved, and neither do you. Christ kind of already took care of all of that on the Cross, and, you know, by pursuing an intimate relationship with us every single day. I hope and pray you not only know, but believe that truth.
- Not necessarily. I have no problems with dating, and if someone were to ask me out on a date tomorrow I may just say yes, however I strongly oppose the idea of dating just to date (aka settling and/or leading someone on, aka the worst thing in the world to me). I mean, what's the point of that? To feel wanted or special? To not feel lonely? To get a free meal? Please, stop. Check your motivations, check your heart, talk with God about these things. "But how will I know if this is or isn't God's will if I don't go on a date with him? I don't want to miss out." Hold up, wait a minute. I'm pretty dang sure God doesn't need us to try to figure out anything (as if we could). He is completely capable of making His will and His plan clear to us. Ya know, since He omniscient and omnipotent and all. *mic drop*
- No. First, I am allergic to cats, so that's definitely not an option. And also, I don't really want to be single forever (uh, does anyone?). There are some days when I really do long for another person to partner with me, to adventure through life and do work for God's glory with, but at the same time, I firmly believe that if God has called me to a life of singleness, He will equip me to walk through it. Does that mean that either calling is better, or easier, or more holy? I don't think so. Both have their own unique challenges and blessings attached. So basically, if God has it in His plan for me to be married, awesome. If He doesn't, and has made this vessel for a life of singleness, okay. I just want to be where He wants me, so whatever that looks like, I hope to walk in and by faith through whatever He's got in store for me this side of eternity. It's ultimately all about His glory anyway, ya dig?
While this is my normal mindset, in that moment a few weeks ago, I was not experiencing any kind of contentment. At that wedding, I was asked many, many times - with good intentions, I am sure - about my current relationship status**, most often after having just heard friends talk about how great (and hard and fun) their new marriage was. It's hard not to feel like you're missing out in some way when there is something that big, that prevalent, that you just cannot yet relate to. The thought - ahem, the LIE - that took root in my mind was,
"Wow, I'm totally being left behind. Everyone else is moving on,
and I am still stuck here, at a lower level."
What the what. These things are not true, I know, but in the moment it was hard to separate the truth from the lie, and I found myself extremely discontent and upset with my current season. Truth be told, I had to walk away during part of the reception to have some alone time with God. While it probably helped that I had already had a glass of wine (goodbye inhibitions!), I let it all out with Him...
why was there such tension between what I knew and believed (see above) and how I was feeling? am I weird for liking the season that I am currently in? well, wait, why don't I get asked on dates? is there something wrong with me? how will I ever meet someone? etc, etc, etc.
It was one of those ugly cry kind of moments, and after all of my questions were out in the open, I heard God whisper,
"G, do you trust Me?"
Well dangit, yes of course I trust You, Lord, but... but. but. but. Isn't that always how it goes? I went back to the reception with no answers, no aha, come-to-Jesus moment to share, just a gut instinct that I needed to trust and I needed to wait.
Fast forward a week: as I was cruising the PCH, I began praying specifically about the tension and the feelings of discontent I was struggling through (and I mean strugggggling), and in that mess God very clearly spoke to me. Not with words, but with a picture from Matthew 14...
Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after He had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear.But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid."
And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly, you are the son of God." (v.22-33) //
I saw myself as Peter, walking on the water toward Jesus with my eyes completely locked on Him. The things is, He called me out of the boat a while ago, and I feel as though I am just now finally beginning to get the hang of keeping my feet above the waves. But in the picture He gave me on that drive, the voices around me were louder than normal. Their questions were audible - their concerns for my singleness, my job, my future, etc. - and I saw myself begin to focus in on their words. My head began to turn in search of their voices, and not soon after I began to sink. Why? Because my attention - my eyes and my mind and my heart - had moved from Jesus to others.
Maybe this is not the most profound thing you've ever heard, and honestly I'm cool with that. But I have to tell you that, for me, it has been huge. God reminded me that when I am consumed with Him, I walk on water. Boldly. In faith. But when I give my attention to what and/or who is around me, I sink. Really, it makes complete sense if you think about it. In the Bible, Jesus told us to follow Him, and thus to trust that He knows where He is taking us. If I am that concerned, or give that much of my time and attention, to others - be it their questions or opinions or through just downright comparison - I cannot truly be fully fixed on Jesus. And yet, when we turn our faces and lock our eyes with His, we walk. on. water. Ain't no sinking when we're looking right to Him.
As I sat on a bench overlooking the pacific ocean and this picture of walking on water came together in my mind, I laughed. Out loud, because God is funny like that (and I really believe He loves to make us laugh). At the wedding, He told me to wait and to trust, and then a week later He reminded "me of little faith" not to doubt, but that if I wanted to keep walking on water (which I do!), I needed only to trust and lock eyes with Him. I felt as if He was oh-so-gently reminding me that this season of singleness, however long it may be, is full of opportunities and purpose, things that will present themselves so long as my eyes stay on Him. And in that moment after the laughter? Peace. Peace with who I am and where He has placed me, and peace in knowing that seasons change, but our God does not.
He is always going to beckon us into deeper places of trust, places where our eyes must be locked on His. Single or not. At a current job or not. In good health or not. Dreaming or doing or dying, or not. His request is quite simple:
"Trust in Me, child."
So yes, I love being single. I love it because I know He has given me this gift, this season of focusing solely on Him and trusting Him to work out the details. Does that mean it's not hard? Of course not. But does that mean I am "less than" or "incomplete" or that I must be "unhappy" because I am alone? Definitely not. And if we ever think that another person will complete us or make us happier or whatever, we will be sorely disappointed in marriage, because no human being can do those things. Only Christ brings true joy, and only Christ satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts and souls. Christ, and Christ alone.
And instead of being so concerned with his and her and their dating lives (or lack thereof, holla), how about we just keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, and trust Him to give us what He wants, when He wants, regardless of whether or not that includes marriage? And, possibly even more importantly, will we still believe that He is good and - dare I say - enough, even if He does not give us a spouse? Hmm...
Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
With no shame, this is me:
Hey, I'm Gennean. I'm twenty-five, I love coffee and adventures, I have a pretty sweet 8-5, I'm a fan of dance parties, and I am single, and I am happy with this life. But more than anything, I love my Jesus, and I am waiting on Him. Not waiting for a spouse, or waiting for the next thing to come. Just waiting on Him, to provide and lead and speak and, ya know, be God. I am learning to walk on water with Him, and He is showing me that He is always abundantly more than enough.
Now, tell me, who are you?
**May I touch lightly on those "people"? You know, the ones who ask you if you're dating, and if not, why, and all of those other probing relationship questions that feel like nails on a chalkboard to most single peeps. Hear me out: I believe that most people's intentions are good, and typically quite innocent, but why - dear God, why - is there such a fascination in our culture (and particularly within the church) with our relationship status? Sometimes I just want to shake people and say, "it IS okay to be single. It's okay, I'm okay, we're okay. A relationship does not equal more happiness or a better life or whatever. And I. am. okay." But that's not the most socially appropriate thing to do, so we smile and laugh it off and hope to God no one else asks us if we're dating anyone. Right? Right. Can't we just let our relationship with Jesus be enough? Because it is.