Through some different situations over the last few weeks, I have been strongly reminded of the person that I used to be, the girl that was before I had some of my stuff together and was walking with the Lord.
It all started with the rediscovery of my online journal from 2004, when I was an angsty 14 year old who thought she was super cool and knew-it-all. Insert *praisehands* here that I was able to get that piece of mess deleted. Then, a few days ago, I was with some friends from college when I fell into an acute awareness of old tendencies and patterns, which got me looking down at my forearm. I've mentioned on this blog that when I was in high school, I briefly dealt with self-harm, which left me with a few distinguishable lines on my arm. They are little reminders of my old self, someone so far in the past that it's hard to believe it was really even me.
And the thing is that I kind of hate being reminded of that person. A lot of memories and emotions resurface, but over the last few years I have come to believe that God intentionally and ever-so-gently likes to bring "her" back into the light from time to time. It humbles me real quick when He does, because I realize just how broken I am and how easily I could fall back into that life if I didn't base my identity and security in Him. I actually think He finds some joy in humbling me as often as He does, because He and I both know how much I need it.
So while I may hate it when it happens, I find myself today, in this moment, thankful for the little reminders. Thankful for the reality that I am no longer that person, that I didn't walk down the path I so easily could have (and should have, really), and that Jesus interrupted my life in a very real way when He did. And, as it often happens with the Lord who redeems all things, I have come to love those little scars on my left arm. While they remind me of the person I was, they are also a screaming testimony to the fact that I have truly been made new, all by His grace.
Much like those lines remind me, we all have some "come to Jesus" stories scattered throughout our lives, and what I find so beautiful is that they are all different. The fact that God is big enough, creative enough, and dynamic enough to script individual plot lines for each of us in and out of every season blows my mind. At this point I can't even imagine walking through this life - this incredible adventure - without Jesus.
So here is to even greater adventures in 2015. Who is with me?