Honesty hour: I'm not totally sure how things look from the outside, but this is easily one of the weirdest seasons of life that I've walked through. It's unpredictable, uncomfortable, and unlike anything I've known thus far. When I think back on past seasons, it's not difficult to see why they were easier to digest than my current one. Much of my time in high school and college was fairly predictable and routine, after which I went almost immediately into the workforce. Then God put Nashville on my heart, so I moved there in faith — which was totally scary — and pretty quickly got a job with Dave Ramsey's organization, where I ended up working for four years. And it was there that I paid off all of my debt and worked toward the season that I now find myself in: living back in my hometown, working part-time, and planning for my big upcoming trip.
If you read my birthday post back in October, you know that I am about to embark on a multi-month long trip through Europe, which is definitely exciting. The truth, though, is that it doesn't feel very exciting right now. I left the comfort and safety of a full-time job (with benefits!) to literally move back home, *maybe* work a little, and plan a massive, so-many-details-involved trip, all while having pretty much no idea what my life will look like once I come back. To my little Type-A heart, this has all been real scary. But my re-burgeoning faith is telling a different story; it's reminding me daily that in me not having a solid plan, God can do anything.
Anything. That word incites two very different emotions: exhilaration and fear. Exhilaration because it means that the possibilities are truly endless; fear because it means I have no idea what's coming and therefore can't plan for it. And yet I think that's kind of the point. It's exactly why my faith is so necessary right now. I must have faith in His ability to provide and lead me in this season, because without that, I would truly be a mess, lost and aimless as I tried to figure out what's next on my own.
Our faith is required to fully live out the things that God calls us to, no matter what they look like or how much unknown might surround them. And the thing about exercising faith and trusting God in the unknown is that it can look foolish. To the world — and especially to a culture that focuses on career and retirement and the American dream — the things God calls us to might not make much sense, if any at all. And that's scary, for sure. But are we willing to do it anyway, no matter how much sense it makes (or doesn't), and no matter how silly we may feel in saying yes?
If there is anything that I've learned over the last decade plus of following Jesus, it's that the things He has put on my heart and called me to have always required a ton of trust, and have almost always felt real foolish. And yet I'm convinced that's the exact place that God loves to work, because when we have little control over our circumstances or the outcome, He can totally put His glory on display. So in this weird season of unknown and excitement and fear, I am choosing to trust that God's got all of the details worked out and will bring His plans to fruition. I am trusting that He will bring me back to a place of daily relying on Him. I am trusting that, no matter how foolish it may seem or feel, He will be seen through me when I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And I am trusting that He will make much of this little life as we move forward, together.